Hurry Up and Wait

The grass is always greener on the other side - how very true this saying is. It's funny how you spend most of your life wishing for things to change, thinking that certain things need to be achieved by a certain time in your life. Yet, when you stop, stand still and really focus on what it is you do have there's nothing actually wrong with how things are. You come to realise that there isn't actually a blue print that comes with life - it just is and you trundle along finding your own path in your own way.

For about the last six months I have been dreading the thought of turning 30. It is very much like a precipice between being young and fun - and getting old. I have stead fastedly refused to celebrate my getting old as I haven't really seen it as something to warrant having a good old knees up for. I'm constantly being asked when I'm going to stop going out so much and settle down, why don't I have a boyfriend, why aren't I married, do I not want kids? Because, you know, time is ticking on.....and it really makes you doubt yourself when you hear it from so many people.

For the last year, I have been looking around at my friends and I think I really am the last single woman standing. All my friends were starting to talk about having babies, starting families and I was left thinking 'oh my god, what is wrong with me? why aren't I at that same stage yet that everyone else seems to be at?'

But now the big 3-0 is just over a month away, I can't help but feel oddly settled and am coming to the realisation that actually, I'm not old, and I can still have fun. Whilst I haven't met Mr Right yet - it really doesn't matter. I have so much other good things in my life - I have my family, lots of friends, my own house, my own car, I can plan things last minute and go travelling and can pay my own way in life.

But the thing I find most amusing is now alot of my friends have passed the big milestone age bracket, there a vast few of them who have actually decided why rush into a family? The same people who in their late twenties were consumed with starting a family, are now quite happy to hold onto their youth and carry on just the way they are.

It is amazing what a bit of peer pressure can do to you without you even realising it. Until that day comes when I do meet Mr Right and find that someone who makes me giving up my single life justifiable, I shall just keep on having fun and finding more paths and avenues to explore.

Decisions, Decisions.....

I'm getting abit rusty at this old blogger lark, it's been a while! So what have I been up to this past month? Busy, busy, busy.....then I get struck down with a dreaded summer lurgy.

Sometimes the best thing about being hectic busy is that you just don't get the chance to stop and focus on things going on around you, instead going full steam ahead and almost using it as an excuse to have tunnel vision from all the crap of every day life.

When your busy, all you can think of is 'I need a break...' then when you get a break (or rather when I do) I start wishing I was busy again. I've pretty much been at home this past week with a summer flu and all I have had time to do is think. Quite frankly, it is driving me insane!

I have all these what ifs...? swimming around in my head and I just can't make a decision on what it is I actually want. These past few months I've been of the notion that I need to have some sort of change in my life, but because I've been so busy trying to keep on top of all the every day stuff it has kind of been put on the back burner. But, is this because I really don't need things to change and I am secretly worried about being happy in my now familiar daily routine and becoming dull and old? Or is it because I do actually need to make a drastic change to my (sometimes dismal) life - and this is what is scaring the crap out of me?

What if I make a change - and it's for the worse? What if I make the biggest mistake ever? I guess the biggest decision rattling round in my head is do I stay or do I go? I've kind of figured out that I shouldn't go travelling, as I know in my heart I would just be using it to run away from my problems and I'm not so sure once I start running if I'll ever come back. But, how much do I love my life? A part of me thinks it would be nice to just sell up, start afresh somewhere completely new and just try something completely different. Then the other part of me thinks do I really want things to change that much? Maybe I just need to mix it up abit and inject some fun and oomph into my surroundings.

Whatever the decision, it doesn't have to be made today or even this year - but I should probably try to at least start heading in the right direction soon, before I wake up one day with grey hairs and wrinkles galore and realise I have wasted my life wishing of things I could have done.