I Predict A Riot......

So, after a week of rioting it appears we are finally getting some order back on the streets and cleaning up the now somewhat wrecked Capital, from mindless acts of vandalism.

You can't help but speculate on how we got to this - is it really out of frustration of not being listened to, not taken seriously and constantly preached down to with no prospects? Or do the youth of today really not have a conscience, thus resulting in them not giving a shit what they do and who they do it to.

I can't help but look back on my life when I was growing up and dealing with different feelings and emotions I had. At 18, you certainly feel like you know everything and scoff at anyone who tells you otherwise - but it's only when you get older you realise that actually - you didn't. Even now, I look back and realise how naive you can be growing up, especially trying to deal with teenage hormones. I think it's only when you get older you realise you still have lots to learn from life, you just learn to be a bit more cautious rather than crashing head first into everything.

One thing I have learnt is that being passive really does not get you anywhere. Whilst I don't condone the acts of violence going on this week in any way at all, I also believe that if you try to be polite and air your views in a peaceful way you get talked over, brushed aside and nothing ever comes of it. These last couple of years I've realised that if you try to be a nice person, do the right thing and always be polite to be people, it really doesn't count for anything. People think they can treat you however they want, talk to you however they please and think they can get away with it because you never shout back and would rather opt for the quiet life of forgiveness than confrontation.

I know I am never going to be one of these people that argues back, or be rude to people in retaliation, because at the end of the day I do care what other people think of me. But, I am getting to the point now where I don't get upset by people's actions anymore and I am more than happy to turn my back and walk away if I don't think someone deserves to be in my life.

Who knows if there is a right or wrong way to deal with controversy, or if it is just down to individuals to decide what works best for themselves. But there really is no need for mindless acts of violence to get your point across, no matter how bad things are. A bit of self-pride and respect for others could be a lesson learned for many people out there in the world today.

How time flys

I cannot believe we are already in August, I honestly do not know where the last 7 months have gone. Just think, another 4 months to go then we will be in 2012. How scary is that?

I always think back to when I was younger, hearing my mum saying, 'I just don't know where the time goes...' thinking what is she on about? When your eight years old and running riot with your friends, riding your bike and climbing trees, I guess time really is of no importance when have no responsibilities - therefore you just carry on the fun and do the exact same thing the next day too.

I can't help but feel this year is abit of a wash out. What have I actually achieved? Granted I'm no worse off than last year, but I don't really seem any further forward either. I feel like the last few months have been like that film Ground Hog Day, where you're re-living the same thing over and over. Get up, work, go home, sleep, get up, work etc...pay the bills, realise how skint you are then count down to the next payday.

Am I just being over-zealous, wishing for a better life that really doesn't exist? Is this what it is really all about, slogging away until you reach the pristine age of retirement, before realising that the very essence of life is just that?

I guess I could always become the town's spinster when I get older, spying down on the neighbours, surrounded by a pack of cats for company.

Oh well, on the bright side - it will soon be time again to deck my halls with bells and holly - oh great!!

The Countdown Begins....

It is finally starting to feel real - my holiday is slowly creeping round and I am getting so excited. I feel like a kid that is anxiously awaiting Christmas day to come round, knowing it will soon be upon me, but it's not quite there yet.

I still have quite a lot to plan and arrange before I go, including the dreaded jabs and malaria tablets, but I am so looking forward to just being outdoors and exploring another City. No desk, no computer, no annoying emails to contend with - just me, a group of other travellers and my trustee camera and journal to record my precious moments.

I'm sitting here on a Friday afternoon imagining being up in the mountains, clear blue skies, lots of lush greenery and trekking along the Inca Trail, heading to the 'lost' city of Machu Picchu. It sure beats filing paper work and processing invoices.

I think I have well and truly got the travel bug, I'm already thinking ahead to where I could go next year. Nothing big scale, but I would love to go and see more of Europe. Seeing as it on our doorstep (kind of) it seems a shame not to!

Rock....Hard Place.....Me.

What a shit week. There is no other way to sum it up or describe it, it just has been. Total. Bollocks.

Why can life never be simple? Or more to the point - why is it others, who insist on playing games and trying to score one over on others, try to drag me into their upmanship and put me in a compromising position? I have seriously had enough this week, I feel at breaking point with all the total utter bullshit I have to put up with from other people.

All I want to do is get on with things, keep my head down, earn a crust as they say - then go home. Pay the bills and have a life. I really am not interested in who said what to whom and where or in what context. It just seems the less interest you try to take, the more people make it their goal to try and drag you into the furore. Then try to act all innocent like they are totally clueless to what is going on. If someone has enough nous about them to get a job in the City - then it's quite fair to say they are not that naive and ignorant to what is going on around them.

The count down is on.....2 hours until freedom, into a normal world full of relatively sane people (well, most of them relatively sane) who aren't hell bent on smiling to your face....then stabbing the knife in when you're facing the other way. Seriously, there is just no need for it. Chill, deflate your over sized ego, sort your problems out on your own - or have what they call a 'discussion', then be on your merry way.

Speaking of which, is just what I plan on doing when the bell tolls 5:30pm. Bath, bubbles, candles, a good book and a bottle of wine - just what the doctor ordered.....bring it on!

Society says no....

Every time, without fail. I could put money on being asked the million dollar question that is so evidently burning on people's lips whenever I go out socially with friends. 'So, you got yourself a nice fella yet? Not seeing anyone?' which is normally followed by 'Poor you, are you ok with that? Why not?' like it's some sort of disease to be single!

After two years of doing the round of these questions, I am slowly running out of witty remarks to keep people at bay, and am starting to wonder if it would be socially polite of me to say piss off and mind your own business?? Surely there are bigger things going on in life to fascinate my friends more than the state of my love life. Apparently not, if not Saturday night has got anything to go by.

After being asked the same question by about 15 different people over the course of the day, it was starting to grind on me and I found it more difficult to keep the irritation from my voice. Is it so hard to just speak to someone as an individual?

I did find it quite funny how I got showed countless pictures of 'friends of friends' on facebook who were single, asking if I wanted to get set up on dates with them. I even got told by one person 'he's not much of a looker, but he's loaded!' and then failed to understand my sarcasm when I said, 'well that settles it, score! Phone him now.......'

The creme de la creme came at the end of the night when the best mans very drunk girlfriend decided - without telling me - that she was going to invite someone back to my room to spend the night with me. Apparently, it's not the done thing to go home to an empty bed when I'm surrounded by men. Needless to say, I was a little shocked when I got someone saddling up to me, practically trying to dry hump my leg thinking he had scored. It was a pretty picture telling him down boy! being a little confused as to why I was saying no to him.

Ah well, I guess you just have to laugh at these things. They say life is meant to test you, but I must remember that it is not socially acceptable to smack smug people in the face, especially in public.......

Hanging up my runners.....

So, the big day finally came round, my 10k run around Battersea Park. A mere stones throw for some people, but what felt like a mountain to me!

It's fair to say I wasn't at my fittest and my training schedule most certainly didn't go to plan, but I was most proud of the fact that I didn't stop once and kept a steady pace for the whole run, completing it in a somewhat reasonable 1hr 6 minutes. The last 2.5k was certainly hard going and it would have been so easy to give up and walk the last stretch, owing to the fact my leg felt like it was on fire and my knee had well and truly swollen. But like a trooper (albeit slightly insane one) I carried on and pushed myself over the finish line. It was a bit disheartening seeing all the other girls speed up and sprint over the finish line, whereas I could just about drag my sorry arse there, but I made the effort knowing it is going to be my last run for a very long time.

As of today, owing to a promise I made to a very wise and somewhat worried friend of mine, I have promised not to do anymore running until my knee has well and truly healed up - or at least until after my holiday. Seeing the pain I have been in, knowing she is the only one I have admitted it to, putting on a 'it'll be fine' face to everyone else, she has a document from myself that I was forced to sign, promising to hang up my running shoes until I am 100% well and fit again.

I do feel a bit sad at having to give up one of my loves in life, but if I'm true to myself I've not really been enjoying it that much since injuring my knee, the pain out masking the fun of it. So I do agree it is time I stop kidding myself and face up to the fact I need to focus on something else for the time being.

Now, the fun begins with finding something else to do. I never said I would give up exercise altogether, as lord knows that would never happen, but I'm sure I can stumble across something else I can enjoy for the time being....you never know, maybe an extreme sport or hobby could be the way forward! I've always fancied abit of monster trucking or sky diving..........

Decisions, Decisions.....

I'm getting abit rusty at this old blogger lark, it's been a while! So what have I been up to this past month? Busy, busy, busy.....then I get struck down with a dreaded summer lurgy.

Sometimes the best thing about being hectic busy is that you just don't get the chance to stop and focus on things going on around you, instead going full steam ahead and almost using it as an excuse to have tunnel vision from all the crap of every day life.

When your busy, all you can think of is 'I need a break...' then when you get a break (or rather when I do) I start wishing I was busy again. I've pretty much been at home this past week with a summer flu and all I have had time to do is think. Quite frankly, it is driving me insane!

I have all these what ifs...? swimming around in my head and I just can't make a decision on what it is I actually want. These past few months I've been of the notion that I need to have some sort of change in my life, but because I've been so busy trying to keep on top of all the every day stuff it has kind of been put on the back burner. But, is this because I really don't need things to change and I am secretly worried about being happy in my now familiar daily routine and becoming dull and old? Or is it because I do actually need to make a drastic change to my (sometimes dismal) life - and this is what is scaring the crap out of me?

What if I make a change - and it's for the worse? What if I make the biggest mistake ever? I guess the biggest decision rattling round in my head is do I stay or do I go? I've kind of figured out that I shouldn't go travelling, as I know in my heart I would just be using it to run away from my problems and I'm not so sure once I start running if I'll ever come back. But, how much do I love my life? A part of me thinks it would be nice to just sell up, start afresh somewhere completely new and just try something completely different. Then the other part of me thinks do I really want things to change that much? Maybe I just need to mix it up abit and inject some fun and oomph into my surroundings.

Whatever the decision, it doesn't have to be made today or even this year - but I should probably try to at least start heading in the right direction soon, before I wake up one day with grey hairs and wrinkles galore and realise I have wasted my life wishing of things I could have done.