February's Daily Tribulation....

I read a fabulous quote this morning on Twitter whilst commuting in; 'life is a bitch, because if it were easy it would be a slut' and couldn't help but chuckle. Is life really this black and white? Would we become complacent and bored if it really was that easy, where you never had to work for anything and could quite easily lay on your back and let life come get you......

After the last few months I've had, there is a little part of me who could quite easily slip into that persona at the moment and would quite enjoy the ride of being carried along.....but I know in my heart I would get bored rigid (pardon the pun!) and would go in search of something more fun and strenuous to do...

Maybe this is why I keep finding myself in these situations where I think, 'how on earth.....' - this, I'm guessing, is where bitch life kicks in. Take my new lodger for example, when he came to view the room he seemed like a normal genuine guy compared to the last one I had in, but fast track one week and we've already had a massive row and he is seriously doing my head in. Seriously. Really. Really. Exasperating.

I think he is actually a nice guy, and deep (very deep) down he means well, but, the guy does not shut up! He thinks No means Yes, asking to drop a subject means to badger the crap out of me even more and when I say I'm going for some peace and quiet thinks I mean follow me upstairs and carry on talking for at least another hour.

The man has no boundaries - the other day when I went up to my room to read my book and try to get 5 minutes quiet, he proceeded to follow me upstairs and stand in my doorway chatting away. When he finally realised I wasn't going to budge or watch a film with him, then decided to invite himself in and sit on the end of my bed as, 'there's no point me standing up chatting to you when it's more comfortable to do it sitting down' - and if that wasn't bad enough, even had the cheek to ask me to move my feet!!!!

I'm trying to see things from his point of view, he's just come out of a 8 year relationship, has no real friends and is at a loss as he genuinely doesn't know what to do with himself and hasn't shared with any one before except his girlfriend. As patient as I am trying to be, I have been getting this out of body experience that he somehow thinks I am a substitute for his ex and the more I try to push him away and paint myself to be a truly hideous monster, the more in-my-face he becomes.

Well, hopefully after last nights dramas he has now taken the hint and may start settling down and backing off. But I am wondering if maybe it would be legal to slip a little something into his tea - a little bit of Imodium say, to see if it works on the verbal version of diarrhea as well as the anal form - or if that fails maybe a few little sleeping pills to knock him out long enough to be able to watch the ending of Top Gear on Sunday night.....

London Wanderer....

What a nice feeling it is to have the odd weekend now and again where you don't actually have any definite plans, but come Sunday evening you can reflect back and realise that you have actually had a pretty cool weekend!

I had arranged to meet up with a friend to go the Tate & have lunch. After a much needed but rather guilty pub lunch on Saturday she had to dash back to greet the in-laws, so rather than head back to Essex before meeting another friend later in the evening, I decided I would make the most of being in London and blend in with the tourists.

I cranked up the iPod and headed west along the Southbank to Westminster, before heading across the bridge northwards towards St James' Park and up into Green Park, Hyde Park and then across even further West to Kensington Gardens. How nice it was to have no destination in mind and to just go wherever my feet felt liked carrying me. Normally I hate the crowds of London and use it as a place to purely travel to and from work and not really appreciating the essence that is London. I was quite surprised at how much I enjoyed being among the throngs of Crowds at Big Ben before heading up into the quietness of the parks.

I think my biggest find of the day was in St James' Park. Even though it is the middle of winter, the day was grey and drab and it was continually drizzling with rain, I happened to chance across the only tree in the whole of the park that had bloomed with cherry blossoms.

 Maybe it's just me being girly and a bit sentimental, but I was quite moved by the fact that there really is beauty in every day life. I think it's fair to say I got a few strange looks when I wandered over to the tree and circled it, taking pictures of the flowers covered in dew drops.

I guess it's my kookiness coming out, but you can't help but notice the contrast with the bare limbs and trunks of the stripped trees all around....

After spending a little too long marvelling at this one tree, I carried on my journey through the parks and took great delight in the mischievous squirrels running in and out of peoples legs, foraging for nuts. I even had one of them try to climb up my boot, but I think he soon realised I had no food to keep him enticed!

Onwards and upwards - I went from Kensington High Street up to Queenswater and then back across to Marble Arch, where I eventually admitted defeat and jumped on a train up to Islington to meet my friend for a well deserved dinner.

After all that walking I felt it was a just reward to unwind with a few bottles of vino over some girly chats, with some rather delicious Belgium Chocolates. Mmmmm.....all in all a good end to a very tiring but productive day!

Never Ending Madness...

So, another day, another dollar - and so it appears another credit card! Will this nightmare never end...? It's getting to the point where I don't even want to come home anymore as I dread what I will find.

Everyday this week I have come home to find something waiting for me on the doorstep. It was one thing seeing a letter saying I'd had a card stopped in my name, but last night I came home to find an account application in my name with my personal details filled out on a form. I'm not joking when I say it turned my stomach, I felt physically sick to the point where if I had already eaten it probably would have vacated the building!

Today, after having spent most of the morning on the telephone sorting it out, my work mates rallied around to cheer me up & I actually came home with a mini-ish spring in my step - only to find a Barclays statement waiting for me on my carpet. Opening it up & seeing a whole list of transactions, some of which are only 3 days old almost reduced me to tears. I had to walk away into my bathroom and press my hands to my eyes to stop myself from crying.

If nothing else I will not let this Tosser reduce me to tears and no matter how overwhelming it becomes I will hold stead fast to the fact that I am a good person and can hold my head high - plus I'm reveling in the fact that for every card he opens in my name his karma is growing big stylee to come back and bite a big chunk out of his life.....

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Live and Learn.....

We read about it all the time in the papers and review the yearly statistics, but you never think that you will be one of the unfortunate souls who has their identity stolen - but unfortunately it appears that I am now classed as one of the statistics.

Why anyone would want to steal my identity is beyond me - I can't say I have a particularly exciting life and I'm sure if they asked nicely enough I would say they was welcome to it.......

These things are all about the money I guess & even though I know there are some right dodgy characters out there, I can't help but think what I would feel if I was in their shoes - how do they sleep at night? They clearly do not have a conscience, which I guess is how they can live with being so callous.

Even though I don't have any concrete evidence I'm fairly certain I know who has done this - which in some ways is worse. If it's a case of having your details stolen online or if you've been careless, you know it's nothing personal & you just have to deal with it. But when it's someone you've actually invited into your home you can't help but feel that much worse - this is someone you thought you could trust who has violated your personal space and has been totally dishonest.

I've spent the last few days looking back to see if in hindsight I've perhaps overlooked something and missed a glowing beacon somewhere, but truth be told I don't think I have. I honestly don't think it's me being a bit dipsy - if anything, just too trusting.

The more things that are coming to light, the more I just have to laugh at it. Although it is very serious and isn't actually funny, you just have to laugh at the bare face cheek of someone who not only takes out credit in your name but also sets up direct debits from your own account to pay for these dodgy cards said person is spending on.

I'm sure karma will come back around to catch up and take a massive chunk out of their life, but for now I have just few seldom words to sum up the situation - what a 24 carat arsehole!

Drifting on an open road...

So, I've come to the conclusion that I need a change in my life but even after two days of pondering I'm still finding myself sat at this crossroads and fear I may start choking on the fumes if I don't start moving soon.

I've been trying to put my works methodology into practice & have been mentally sifting through the different aspects of my life in the hope of reaching some kind of 'ker-ching' light bulb flashing moment. The result so far? I think I have realised that even though I am not overly happy at this moment in time, I don't actually hate my life either. The problem is I am drifting.

I am so scared of making plans and getting let down, that I just stopped bothering a long time ago. Surely if you don't make any plans then you can never be disappointed? You just take each day as it comes putting a smile on your face and a spring in your step... Except I think my so called non-exsistent plan is starting to crumble before my eyes.

But, alas, every cloud has a silver lining they say. I refuse to be downtrodden - where there is a will there is a way - and the biggest part of any plan is knowing what it is you are heading towards.

My silver lining I believe is coming in the shape of a lighter dawn descending on us....what am I talking about you say? Early morning running!

I can honestly say some of my best laid plans, when I have made them on select occasions, have always come to fruition whilst pounding the streets. I don't know what it is with running, I know I shouldn't be doing it under doctors orders, but I feel so uplifted and positive I genuinely take on an inner glow, where I believe anything is possible.

Who knows, maybe dusting off my trainers again will help to enlighten me into choosing which is the correct path for me. Even if it doesn't give me 100% certainty at least I may actually start drifting in the right direction.....

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Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe......

Drum roll please......it's a new dawn, on a new day, in a new year with new resolutions - fast forward 6 weeks and is 2011 full of the joys of wonder that I thought it would be? Or is 2011 just the same as 2010?

I'm afraid I would have to say the latter.....the only thing I have learnt is that I really don't know where the last six weeks have gone and it appears that if time keeps flying the way it is, I will soon be sipping egg nogs & tucking into turkey again.

I can feel the dreaded itch coming on again and fear this one is going to be a big one. Every now and then I go through periods where I feel like my life has stagnated and it seems to be losing it's added sparkle. I try to keep upbeat and look for at least one good thing in every day - but sometimes you can't help but reflect back and think - was that it? I'm sure I was not put on this earth to sit at a desk 9 - 5 bored out of my skull constantly wishing my life away.

I am coming to that all important point in life where I have reached a cross roads and something seriously needs to change before the twinkle disappears forever and I am sucked down into the monotonous routine that is otherwise known as the 'rat-race'.

The thoughts going through my mind at the moment will see me heading in one of two directions. I can either flick the indicator right and go for something completely different - this option I envisage all my personal items sold apart from a few essentials in a back pack, heading into the big wide yonder to do some serious travelling, to just disappear from all that is every day life. Or I can listen to the voice of reason and head left - thus finding a job that will give me both enjoyment and fulfill my ever growing thirst for knowledge and help me progress in my career (or to be more realistic to actually start a career!)

I feel like I'm stuck in the middle - where on my left is the angel with halo, telling me to hang on and be reasonable - yet on the right is a mini me in devil get-up telling me to let my inner mischievousness free and go make the most of what is out there.

I'm guessing the hardest thing is that I don't actually know what I want myself - and if I don't know then who the hell will? Does anybody go through life knowing exactly what they want? Or are we all fumbling around in the dark completely clueless as am I?

I think I need to give this some serious thought. I'm guessing the first option would make me feel good in the short run - but what if I never want to return? This scares the hell out of me as I fear this would actually happen if I left, whereas at the same time I don't know if I really have the balls to go through with this or if it is all just a fantasy. Another thought is this could be the pre-onset of a mid life crisis as in the oh-my-god-I'm-almost-thirty-and-what-have-I-done-with-my-life crisis.

Lets watch this space and see what happens, maybe I'm due my miracle any day now.......!

Oh woe is me, once again!

So, living by the City mantra that Thursday is the new Friday, I felt it was only right that I take this quote in hand to enjoy a few bevvies with a friend of mine down The Classrooms.

What a night it was too - the drinks were flowing freely, the topics of conversation were at the top of the spectrum & laughter was in abundance. It all seemed like such a good idea at the time, until you roll forward to 6am where my alarm is screeching like a banshee, it hurts to open my eyes & I'm convinced someone is playing a set of steel drums inside my skull....

I can't help but ask myself why? I never learn, I should know at my age by now not to play out on a school night, but its just so much more appealing than staying in. It's so true what they say about the older you get the worse the hangovers get too - gone are the days of quick fixes with a Bacon buttie & coffee. In its place is something that is starting to stretch into two days, plus it appears it is here to stay....

One of these days I will learn my lesson, until then where's the paracetamol...? It's lying around here somewhere.......

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