Euro no more?

It appears the Eurozone crisis has hit the headlines again - and with a hell of a lot of force this time. There is every chance that come January when we are packing away our tinsel and baubles, the rest of Europe may now also be hanging up their Euro's for good too.

Having not had the chance to read any news for the last two weeks, I feel like I have been left out of the loop a bit as to how drastic times are getting again. The thought of getting dragged into another recession - especially if it is going to be a whole lot worse than last time, really doesn't bare thinking about.

There's me blissfully unaware, planning my 2012 and hoping to be lodger free by April and now it's almost like being back in limbo again, with plans being put on hold until you know for definite what is going on with the economy. Working for a company that has such strong ties with Europe and depends on their income, it is a very scary thought that the Eurozone could shatter at anytime.

How bleak the future looks, I dare say it will be a very painful Christmas awaiting with bated breaths as to the outcome for many individuals. Here's hoping the banks can come up with a solution to stop this meltdown from happening, so we can actually get to enjoy our Turkey and stuffing without it leaving a bitter taste in our mouths. 

That time of year already....

I can't believe it's November tomorrow, another year is almost over. I remember being a little girl, hearing my mum saying, 'where does the time go...?' and being all of 8 years old, thinking what are you talking about??! But how true it is - where does the time go?

Life can be tough at the best of times, but this time of year feels worse and always makes me feel abit down and depressed. I wish I was a bear and could just hibernate somewhere, slink off for the winter and not emerge until the first signs of the leaves on the trees and that warm tingle in the air.

November is that time of year when you know it's almost over and the new year will soon be upon us and I start reminiscing about what I've achieved - or not - and start thinking of all the bad decisions I have made, wishing I could almost turn back the clock and try to right what's gone wrong.

I can't help but feel that I have done absolutely nothing with my life these last few years - I feel like I am in exactly the same place I was three years ago and nothing has been gained. It's like standing on a precipice, part of you wants to just let go, take the plunge and run with it - but then there's always a part that's clinging on, afraid of what change is, afraid to let the barriers down and open up, needing that small clutch on whatever sanity you can grasp onto.

Should the end of the year make me question every little thing out there - or should I see it as a new year, new opportunities? New beginnings? Who knows, I certainly don't have the answer....but one day, I like to think I have enough faith and positiveness to figure it out. One thing is for sure - I can already hear the bongs of Big Ben chiming in 2012, and it will soon be time to dust off my sparkly little sandals to shimmy in the new dawn.

Viva La Espana!

It's been an interesting week, lots of ups and downs - a few laughs, a few tears, lots of boredom and an ever annoying flatmate, but on the plus side - it's Friday. My god what a slow week this has been, I have never known time to drag so literally.

Alas - it seems all is not bad and I may still be able to put my personal world to rights. At the start of every year I always set myself goals to work towards in the coming year, some get achieved and others don't. But this year has been absolutely dismal. Time just seems to have vanished - next week we shall be in September and it has felt recently that 2011 has well and truly been a wash out of a year.

But I had a little ray of light this week. One of my goals this year was to get back into studying and brush up on my Spanish, which has virtually all but been forgotten since I left school. After a lunch meeting with my boss on Tuesday, it has been suggested that it would be good to get the office involved in learning a language seeing as we are an international company and has put forward the Spanish language for starters.

I know it sounds quite sad and I do confess I am a bit of a geek, but I'm actually quite excited about learning something new. I think it will be good to focus on something positive and to see out the rest of the year at least part way towards one of my goals.

What can I say....Viva la Espana!!! Lets just hope it gets off the ground soon.

Farewell Desk Buddy....

I am still in a state of shock at the unfolding of my day. What started as a rather pleasant Friday morning, the usual banter with my partner in crime, happy in the thought that almost over half the office will be on holiday next week....then carnage has struck this afternoon.

Well, not quite. I am exagerating, but I have just found out they are re-arranging our commercial team and I am being paired with the bunny - amptly nick-named because she is a bunny boiler, in every sense of the word. At least I won't be alone, I shall have another colleague to try and help keep me sane, but still....I pre-warn you I can't not be held accountable for my actions.

I shall miss my current desk buddy, I'm always guaranteed a laugh or three everyday with our banter and jokes - even getting a dressing down on one occasion when I just couldn't stop laughing, resulting in some rather strange looks from the rest of the office. The Beavis to my Butthead is being replaced by a somewhat unhinged character - which is the mild way of saying, quite frankly - that she's nuts! I can't help but hear the 'Psycho' theme tune whenever I turn round and she is just staring...smiling...as you do.

I think Miss S and I shall have to dig deep to find new ways of having some fun in the office, to break up the monotmous routine that is office life. Oh lord, why can life never be simple? I reckon I should get that straight jacket ordered now for when they cart me away in a week or two.

Generation Undecided

I read a very intersting article coming home on the train today about the generation undecided. Apparently, according to research, women born between 1977 - 2004 have been raised under a 'you can have it all!' generation. We're struggling to cope with subsequent pressure & expectations put upon us - thus meaning that we are never truely happy with what we've got and are constantly fretting over whether we've got what we really want and feeling like we're missing out on something.

Whilst I don't think I'm anywhere near as extreme as the girls in this article, I can relate to certain aspects of what it is saying. You get so bogged down worrying and trying to plan for the next step in life and looking to the future that you never concentrate on the here and now, and what it is you've actually achieved to date.

Maybe this is where I am going wrong. Instead of constantly worrying about whether I'm making the right decisions, I should be asking myself 'am I content?' and just enjoy the here and now, finding comfort in my surroundings and everyday life.

Maybe this is really what life is about - enjoying each day as a gift that you make your own. So, I am going to take note on all the things that I do like about my life and take each day as it comes, focusing on the things that make me happy. Who knows, it could even work on straightening out the contents in my head.....bring on the new age of generation decided! Or at least getting-there-decided.....!

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I Predict A Riot......

So, after a week of rioting it appears we are finally getting some order back on the streets and cleaning up the now somewhat wrecked Capital, from mindless acts of vandalism.

You can't help but speculate on how we got to this - is it really out of frustration of not being listened to, not taken seriously and constantly preached down to with no prospects? Or do the youth of today really not have a conscience, thus resulting in them not giving a shit what they do and who they do it to.

I can't help but look back on my life when I was growing up and dealing with different feelings and emotions I had. At 18, you certainly feel like you know everything and scoff at anyone who tells you otherwise - but it's only when you get older you realise that actually - you didn't. Even now, I look back and realise how naive you can be growing up, especially trying to deal with teenage hormones. I think it's only when you get older you realise you still have lots to learn from life, you just learn to be a bit more cautious rather than crashing head first into everything.

One thing I have learnt is that being passive really does not get you anywhere. Whilst I don't condone the acts of violence going on this week in any way at all, I also believe that if you try to be polite and air your views in a peaceful way you get talked over, brushed aside and nothing ever comes of it. These last couple of years I've realised that if you try to be a nice person, do the right thing and always be polite to be people, it really doesn't count for anything. People think they can treat you however they want, talk to you however they please and think they can get away with it because you never shout back and would rather opt for the quiet life of forgiveness than confrontation.

I know I am never going to be one of these people that argues back, or be rude to people in retaliation, because at the end of the day I do care what other people think of me. But, I am getting to the point now where I don't get upset by people's actions anymore and I am more than happy to turn my back and walk away if I don't think someone deserves to be in my life.

Who knows if there is a right or wrong way to deal with controversy, or if it is just down to individuals to decide what works best for themselves. But there really is no need for mindless acts of violence to get your point across, no matter how bad things are. A bit of self-pride and respect for others could be a lesson learned for many people out there in the world today.

How time flys

I cannot believe we are already in August, I honestly do not know where the last 7 months have gone. Just think, another 4 months to go then we will be in 2012. How scary is that?

I always think back to when I was younger, hearing my mum saying, 'I just don't know where the time goes...' thinking what is she on about? When your eight years old and running riot with your friends, riding your bike and climbing trees, I guess time really is of no importance when have no responsibilities - therefore you just carry on the fun and do the exact same thing the next day too.

I can't help but feel this year is abit of a wash out. What have I actually achieved? Granted I'm no worse off than last year, but I don't really seem any further forward either. I feel like the last few months have been like that film Ground Hog Day, where you're re-living the same thing over and over. Get up, work, go home, sleep, get up, work etc...pay the bills, realise how skint you are then count down to the next payday.

Am I just being over-zealous, wishing for a better life that really doesn't exist? Is this what it is really all about, slogging away until you reach the pristine age of retirement, before realising that the very essence of life is just that?

I guess I could always become the town's spinster when I get older, spying down on the neighbours, surrounded by a pack of cats for company.

Oh well, on the bright side - it will soon be time again to deck my halls with bells and holly - oh great!!

The Countdown Begins....

It is finally starting to feel real - my holiday is slowly creeping round and I am getting so excited. I feel like a kid that is anxiously awaiting Christmas day to come round, knowing it will soon be upon me, but it's not quite there yet.

I still have quite a lot to plan and arrange before I go, including the dreaded jabs and malaria tablets, but I am so looking forward to just being outdoors and exploring another City. No desk, no computer, no annoying emails to contend with - just me, a group of other travellers and my trustee camera and journal to record my precious moments.

I'm sitting here on a Friday afternoon imagining being up in the mountains, clear blue skies, lots of lush greenery and trekking along the Inca Trail, heading to the 'lost' city of Machu Picchu. It sure beats filing paper work and processing invoices.

I think I have well and truly got the travel bug, I'm already thinking ahead to where I could go next year. Nothing big scale, but I would love to go and see more of Europe. Seeing as it on our doorstep (kind of) it seems a shame not to!

Rock....Hard Place.....Me.

What a shit week. There is no other way to sum it up or describe it, it just has been. Total. Bollocks.

Why can life never be simple? Or more to the point - why is it others, who insist on playing games and trying to score one over on others, try to drag me into their upmanship and put me in a compromising position? I have seriously had enough this week, I feel at breaking point with all the total utter bullshit I have to put up with from other people.

All I want to do is get on with things, keep my head down, earn a crust as they say - then go home. Pay the bills and have a life. I really am not interested in who said what to whom and where or in what context. It just seems the less interest you try to take, the more people make it their goal to try and drag you into the furore. Then try to act all innocent like they are totally clueless to what is going on. If someone has enough nous about them to get a job in the City - then it's quite fair to say they are not that naive and ignorant to what is going on around them.

The count down is on.....2 hours until freedom, into a normal world full of relatively sane people (well, most of them relatively sane) who aren't hell bent on smiling to your face....then stabbing the knife in when you're facing the other way. Seriously, there is just no need for it. Chill, deflate your over sized ego, sort your problems out on your own - or have what they call a 'discussion', then be on your merry way.

Speaking of which, is just what I plan on doing when the bell tolls 5:30pm. Bath, bubbles, candles, a good book and a bottle of wine - just what the doctor ordered.....bring it on!

Society says no....

Every time, without fail. I could put money on being asked the million dollar question that is so evidently burning on people's lips whenever I go out socially with friends. 'So, you got yourself a nice fella yet? Not seeing anyone?' which is normally followed by 'Poor you, are you ok with that? Why not?' like it's some sort of disease to be single!

After two years of doing the round of these questions, I am slowly running out of witty remarks to keep people at bay, and am starting to wonder if it would be socially polite of me to say piss off and mind your own business?? Surely there are bigger things going on in life to fascinate my friends more than the state of my love life. Apparently not, if not Saturday night has got anything to go by.

After being asked the same question by about 15 different people over the course of the day, it was starting to grind on me and I found it more difficult to keep the irritation from my voice. Is it so hard to just speak to someone as an individual?

I did find it quite funny how I got showed countless pictures of 'friends of friends' on facebook who were single, asking if I wanted to get set up on dates with them. I even got told by one person 'he's not much of a looker, but he's loaded!' and then failed to understand my sarcasm when I said, 'well that settles it, score! Phone him now.......'

The creme de la creme came at the end of the night when the best mans very drunk girlfriend decided - without telling me - that she was going to invite someone back to my room to spend the night with me. Apparently, it's not the done thing to go home to an empty bed when I'm surrounded by men. Needless to say, I was a little shocked when I got someone saddling up to me, practically trying to dry hump my leg thinking he had scored. It was a pretty picture telling him down boy! being a little confused as to why I was saying no to him.

Ah well, I guess you just have to laugh at these things. They say life is meant to test you, but I must remember that it is not socially acceptable to smack smug people in the face, especially in public.......

Hanging up my runners.....

So, the big day finally came round, my 10k run around Battersea Park. A mere stones throw for some people, but what felt like a mountain to me!

It's fair to say I wasn't at my fittest and my training schedule most certainly didn't go to plan, but I was most proud of the fact that I didn't stop once and kept a steady pace for the whole run, completing it in a somewhat reasonable 1hr 6 minutes. The last 2.5k was certainly hard going and it would have been so easy to give up and walk the last stretch, owing to the fact my leg felt like it was on fire and my knee had well and truly swollen. But like a trooper (albeit slightly insane one) I carried on and pushed myself over the finish line. It was a bit disheartening seeing all the other girls speed up and sprint over the finish line, whereas I could just about drag my sorry arse there, but I made the effort knowing it is going to be my last run for a very long time.

As of today, owing to a promise I made to a very wise and somewhat worried friend of mine, I have promised not to do anymore running until my knee has well and truly healed up - or at least until after my holiday. Seeing the pain I have been in, knowing she is the only one I have admitted it to, putting on a 'it'll be fine' face to everyone else, she has a document from myself that I was forced to sign, promising to hang up my running shoes until I am 100% well and fit again.

I do feel a bit sad at having to give up one of my loves in life, but if I'm true to myself I've not really been enjoying it that much since injuring my knee, the pain out masking the fun of it. So I do agree it is time I stop kidding myself and face up to the fact I need to focus on something else for the time being.

Now, the fun begins with finding something else to do. I never said I would give up exercise altogether, as lord knows that would never happen, but I'm sure I can stumble across something else I can enjoy for the time being....you never know, maybe an extreme sport or hobby could be the way forward! I've always fancied abit of monster trucking or sky diving..........

Decisions, Decisions.....

I'm getting abit rusty at this old blogger lark, it's been a while! So what have I been up to this past month? Busy, busy, busy.....then I get struck down with a dreaded summer lurgy.

Sometimes the best thing about being hectic busy is that you just don't get the chance to stop and focus on things going on around you, instead going full steam ahead and almost using it as an excuse to have tunnel vision from all the crap of every day life.

When your busy, all you can think of is 'I need a break...' then when you get a break (or rather when I do) I start wishing I was busy again. I've pretty much been at home this past week with a summer flu and all I have had time to do is think. Quite frankly, it is driving me insane!

I have all these what ifs...? swimming around in my head and I just can't make a decision on what it is I actually want. These past few months I've been of the notion that I need to have some sort of change in my life, but because I've been so busy trying to keep on top of all the every day stuff it has kind of been put on the back burner. But, is this because I really don't need things to change and I am secretly worried about being happy in my now familiar daily routine and becoming dull and old? Or is it because I do actually need to make a drastic change to my (sometimes dismal) life - and this is what is scaring the crap out of me?

What if I make a change - and it's for the worse? What if I make the biggest mistake ever? I guess the biggest decision rattling round in my head is do I stay or do I go? I've kind of figured out that I shouldn't go travelling, as I know in my heart I would just be using it to run away from my problems and I'm not so sure once I start running if I'll ever come back. But, how much do I love my life? A part of me thinks it would be nice to just sell up, start afresh somewhere completely new and just try something completely different. Then the other part of me thinks do I really want things to change that much? Maybe I just need to mix it up abit and inject some fun and oomph into my surroundings.

Whatever the decision, it doesn't have to be made today or even this year - but I should probably try to at least start heading in the right direction soon, before I wake up one day with grey hairs and wrinkles galore and realise I have wasted my life wishing of things I could have done.

7 Weeks & Counting...

The count down has begun, training schedules have been released and it is only seven weeks to go until my 10k run through Battersea. On printing out my desired schedule, my first thought was, 'Oh, fuck!'

I was hoping to enter in as an intermediate runner, planning to finish in little over an hour, but considering how out of touch I am and due to the fact I know in my heart I cannot stick to this plan they have created, I have had to opt for defeat and go with the beginners schedule.

But all is not lost. I managed to do two runs last week, although I don't know if you can count the first as a run - I managed a poultry 2k before slowing to a fast walk, which I had to endure for the last 1.5k as my knee was saying no, no, no! But, after getting my super shiny brand new trainers delivered on Friday, I decided I just had to test drive these at the weekend - and what a difference they made! Granted I'm still incredibly out of shape compared to six weeks ago, but I managed a whole 4.5k without stopping and my knee was barely twinging when I got back home - hurrah! Excluding the fact it took me almost 40 minutes to run and I most probably could have walked the last half km faster than I ran it, I still did it and pushed through.

Onwards and upwards as I have said before - even if it takes me three hours on the day, I am determined to get across the finish line, be it running, jogging, hobbling or crawling on all fours.....

The Youth of Today

Have you ever had one of those clearly defining moments in time, when almost like a light bulb switiching on, you suddenly wake up and think to yourself - what the hell am I doing?

I had one of these Eureka moments on Saturday. It was one of my friends birthday and she wanted to see her last twenty-something birthday out in style, by having a few bevvies with close friends, rounding of the night with a boogie somewhere to see in the small hours.

We started off in a perfectly nice bar, made even better by the two-for-one offers on some very refreshing Mojitos. Granted it was a bit rucus in there, being Camden, but it was a lively rucus which we took great delight in blending into. Then it was decided after departing the bar, we would head on down to the Electric Ballrooms - and from here, I can honestly say, it all went a Pete Tong.

Don't get me wrong, it was still a laugh to be out and about, but I seriously felt like a fish out of water and couldn't help but look about me thinking what mad house have I landed in? I think it's safe to say we were definitely one of the older groups in the club and I have to say the other girls in there were rather shameless. I know it's the done thing to be out having a laugh when your young, but I'm sure I was never that bad at that age.

I got to see arse cheeks galore where the skirts didn't cover the underwear - and in some cases I'm sure there wasn't even any underwear involved. There were a fair selection of the - shall we say - larger ladies, who were clearly wearing clothes two sizes too small (I'm all for being confident in your own skin, but there are certain things that just should not be displayed, rolls of body fat and beer bellies being just that!) and don't get me started on the binge drinking. I saw one particular girl who was swigging pints of beer, got dragged outside by her mate to puke all over the pavement, as well as herself and her mate in the process, then come sauntering back in to carry on drinking and even copped off with a bloke in the corner. Since when has pebble dashing been a glamourous look, especially when it is smeared down your chin and in between your clevage???

It was quite a relief to get out and back into the norm of reality. Maybe I'm just getting too old for this crap and really am turning into my mother, but give me a good old cocktail bar anyday, with a bit of live music and a nice chilled relaxed atmosphere. At the end of the day, self-decency and respect costs nothing ladies......you'll thank me one day - when you get as old and wise as I am!!!

Sweaty Betty Returns

After spending the last five weeks being a total couch potato, I have finally had my MRI results back and been given the all clear to start introducing exercise again. It is a total relief to know I can start working towards a goal again, to focus on getting my fitness levels back up to scratch.

A very good friend of mine has given me some strengthening exercises to do. After shattering her knee cap she was advised to work on developing her quad & hamstring muscles which takes pressure away from the knee.
My strengthening exercises have now commenced and I even managed to attempt an upper body work out this morning. I was quite appalled at how much my stamina has fallen. My back is aching, my arms feel like I have been in a boxing ring with a pro and where as a few weeks back I wouldn't even have broken into a sweat - this morning I was well and truely a sweaty betty!

But, I shall focus on the positive in that I have taken my first baby step on the road to recovery and fitness. I felt like a little kid at Christmas, all excited at the prospect that I shall soon be up and mobile again, putting my trainers through there paces once more.

Hopefully by the time July rolls round this sweaty betty will be a fully functioning glowing jogger once more!

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Patience Is A Virtue

As the good old saying goes, 'Patience is a virtue'. I am vast coming round to the notion that this really doesn't apply to me and whoever came up with such a stupid proverb deserves a hardy clip round the head.

Seriously, patience is not a virtue - not when you've been holed up for the past month incapacitated by a dodgy knee, itching to get back out into the world of self punishment, aka, exercise! Now the weather is getting nicer, I am tortured everywhere I go of super fit people out jogging, or cycling or just plain walking.

I want to join in so badly, I actually think I am getting adrenalin withdrawal symptoms. My muscles feel like jelly and it is getting to the point where I may have to start breathing in to get my button done up soon, how shameful. As much as I am ready to go, my knee is still saying no. It is not fun when your walking along and you have a hot pain flaring up into your thigh, or when all of a sudden your knee just buckles underneath you out of protest. The latter option is also rather uncool when you've stopped at a traffic light and end up landing yourself propped against the person next to you. This is when you hope a cheesy 'sorry' smile and fluttered eyelashes will stop them shouting abuse at you.......oh dear!

It feels like this last week has been going backwards since I had my MRI scan, waiting for the results to say 'yay' or 'nay'. The worst thing of all is knowing that even when I get the results, even if there is nothing fundamentally wrong, it will still take at least another 3-4 weeks to be able to do some serious damage control and regain a certain amount of flexibility and staminer.

Hopefully soon I shall get the answer I want, then this lard arse will be a depressed chubby couch potato no more. Oh, woe is me! In the words of Marjory at fat fighters club, "Dust anyone?!"

Alcoholic? Moi?

Oh dear, it's happened again. I am starting to wonder if I have a drinking problem - in that I just can't say no. It's a tragedy waiting to happen, but at the time always seems like a good idea......until the hangover & dehydration kicks in. Then I remember why I said the previous time, "Never again....."

After travelling up to Norfolk and having a very civilised barbecue with some of my sisters friends and a few bottles of bud, it was decided that after they left and due to the fact my sister didn't want to drink, it was only fair that I kept by bro happy by having a few drinks with him instead. Not that I took that much persuading, but a few drinks turned into the whole bottle of Jack, plus a few extra bottles of bud before crashing into bed at 6am.

Did I feel rough the next day? Not half, but it was a great night. I got introduced to the world of guitar hero, which is highly hilarious watching someone drunk trying to strum the life out of a plastic guitar, whilst we was both attempting to sing along with the tunes. This was followed by Metallica & Pearl Jam playing in concert (and a very in depth discussion about why Eddie Vedder is a hottie) before chilling out to Incubus (and another in depth discussion from my brother-in-law why Brandon Boyd is a mans man!!) and chatting away to the small hours. When you start to see day light breaking outside and you can hear the birds chirruping, that's when you know you've had enough (also the fact we had run out of drink had a great deal to do with it too....)

I managed to get about one and half hours sleep before being woken up by niece who insisted I just had to go and watch Peppa Pig with her. Kids really don't understand the meaning of the word 'hungover'. When I said 5 more minutes and attempted to role over I got a very sharp elbow in my ribs and got the duvet whipped away. After stumbling down the stairs and somehow managing to assemble some form of breakfast for her, I thought I would be able to catch some zzz's whilst she watched her programme. No. Every time I so much as shut my eyes, I got a giant sized fluffy thumper smacked into my face.

That's not to mention the overwhelming drama of feeling well enough to stand in the shower without passing out or acting like a comatose zombie right through the next day.....Ah well, what can I say? In the words of my brother, "Epic night....lol!"

For Blogs Sake!

Why is it when you have a short week, your expectations are that it will fly by before the next round of bank holidays and for another four day weekend to be upon us. But no. It's Wednesday afternoon, time is dragging, I feel like I have been here 10 days already and I am so bored it is unreal. It's not the 'I have nothing to do so lets occupy my time with meaningless crap' boredom. It's the 'I have stuff to do but I really really can't be asked to do it, so I'm going to try to pass off my time with meaningless crap' boredom.

Seriously, I'm not joking - but I'm sure a morgue has more life than this office. It's only a small team anyway, so when over half of them are on leave and there is only about 4 others to occupy the space, you can literally hear a needle drop. I listen out for the buses going past my window to get a reprieve from the silence or try to find the fascination of seeing my glass of water vibrate every time a tube passes underneath our office.

There is only so much fun you can invent on your own, sitting at a desk, surrounded by work obsessed individuals, who still can't understand why it is my computer is switched off at 5:30pm promptly and I'm firmly out the door. 'You putting in another half day?' is the daily office joke. Except it's not actually funny, but I humour my colleagues by pretending to laugh with them whilst thinking, run! Freedom!

Ah, still, such is life! At least the office bunny boiler is still here to keep Ken and I entertained with her funny ways. Every time I look at her to see her staring and smiling at me, I can't quite help but hear the theme tune from Psycho resonating in my head - and only have to look at my desk buddy to know he is thinking the exact same thing. Then we resolve into quiet fits of giggles (well he's quiet, I'm not so, which draws a few sidelong glances...) which breaks up the monotonous day of city life. Sigh.

Walking on Sunshine

Don't you just love those weekends when you don't actually have anything planned, you feel a little apprehensive at the thought of doing absolutely nothing, but then it all comes together and turns into a top notch time you know you'll remember for a while to come.

This is what my Easter weekend has been about. I was sitting at home Friday morning thinking what am I actually going to do for 4 days, sitting around relaxing doing nothing has never been one of my strong points and the thought of listening to repeated stories from my dad for 3 days straight quite frankly filled me with terror.

But alas, the last few days have actually been pretty perfect. The weather has been warm, sun shining and we've been inundated with visitors - cousins, second cousins, childhood friends and my sister and brother-in-law popped down too with my niece.

We even invented our own human version of hungry hippos round the paddling pool which just finished the day off nicely, although getting the prime spot opposite my niece was probably a faux par as I ended up wearing almost half the water from the pool! But she more than made up for it by asking me, "When's happy aunties day? I want to make a special card to send you" ah, how sweet.

After being converted into a ladette we watched the setting sun with a cool fosters in our hands, soaking wet (and shivering in my case!) thoroughly chilled and with the making of a nice golden tan. Bliss, happy days!

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Wonder Towers

I think I have a fair idea of how Alice was feeling when she fell down the rabbit hole and wondered what the heck was going on.

Except I fell down my rabbit hole two years ago....and I'm still looking for the exit sign. But there is quite a few characters here to keep me on my toes and entertained, although whether in a good way or a bad I'm still on the fence. Plus, I'm pretty sure there is no 'Wonder' in this place, it's more like a tower that only the  criminally insane would choose to visit.

Seriously, I have never known a place like this. It certainly has earned it's reputation of being 'special' with like minded individuals to boot.

We have our own version of tweedle dum and tweedle dee, all wrapped up in one hit. I still do chuckle over the episode with the peas, that even made lord Farkwrought chuckle along with the Cheshire cat. Then there is the caterpillar, the all seeing eye who makes absolutely no sense what-so-ever to the average pleb, who takes great delight in playing games and looking down on all the menials beneath him.

We have our very own mad hatter that runs around all day making everyone dizzy, making me ponder how someone so small can create such a big ripple around them self. There really isn't a need for a megaphone either - the hatter has one built in, you hear the craziness before you see it.

Of course the biggest character of all - the red queen. Except ours is a king. I wake up in this wonderland everyday expecting to hear an office equivalent of, "Off with their head!" The king will be sat there observing everything, a shrewd smile playing on his lips whilst the latest victim scurries out the door with their tail between their legs, sobbing (quite literally in some cases) as they head out into the wilderness never to be seen again.

Oh, the joys of City life. So much fun, I can't wait for tomorrow........

Let There Be........A Steaming Pile of Shite????

I am seriously starting to doubt this little thing called life. Life! What the hell is this crap? I am constantly feeling like I am taking one giant step forward - only to be pulled back by two.

I try to stay positive, laugh off the bad times, be the bigger person, excuse others selfishness and/or rudeness, think to the future - but no matter how brave a face you put on it, something always comes along to trip you up so you splatter face first in the shite that is the very essence of existence. I am almost positive that God created man (and woman) so he could look down upon us from his glistening throne - and laugh his pants off at our misdemeanours and misfortunes. Ha bloody ha.

There are some people that breeze through life, finding every silver cloud along the way. Then there are others who spend their life searching for just a glimmer of silver - only to be left standing out in the rain. I have come to the conclusion that I must have really pissed the big man off upstairs and he is wreaking his revenge by putting me into the latter category and seeing just how many hailstorms he can pass my way. I even seem to get bonus rounds involving thunder and lightening, yippee!

Seriously, here was me thinking I could try to give myself a goal to distract me from my lets-drift-a-while-phase-of-life and I can't even get that right! I managed to get my training of the ground with a good start, even managing to build up my last three runs to a cool 7.5 - 8k and then wham comes the lightening bolt. It appears I do not have runners knee as previously suggested, that would even seem like a blessing right about now. No, it appears that after spending a whole week limping around in agony and having gained the nick name peg-leg Lil at work, it seems I have actually accumulated some tissue damage to my knee. The result as per the quack? Total rest. No exercise. An MRI. Total boredom.

I need to exercise, I need to train otherwise I am going to go stern crazy. Not to mention the fact that I may start to represent the Pillsbury dough man from lack of sport.

I reckon I know where I am going wrong in life and what to do from now on out to stop getting so harangued. If you just come to expect the worse, then you really won't give a shit when it all comes crashing down around you.....sit back, put your feet up, take a toke on your cigar and a sip from your beer - and laugh at life's attempt to pull you down with it. Not today matey! 

Runners Knee

Following on from the pain saga of my first long distance run last week - it appears my persistent knee pain is rather common among runners, especially females. As if women do not suffer enough as it is, now I find out that there is also a very common problem with our DNA which makes us susceptible to runners knee - lovely!

Apparently it is caused by week muscles supporting the knee cap and instead of the knee cap moving up and down over the thigh bone, if the muscles are weak then it doesn't hold it in place and instead moves to the side.

After doing some investigative work I have found out that it doesn't cause any lasting damage providing you do not run through the pain (looks like I may have to give running a rest for the next week) and that there are some simple exercises to do to strengthen the knee muscles.

I say simple......

I figured that there is no time like the present and thought I would start doing these simple stretches last night. All was going well until I tried the one for the hamstrings, where you have to lay on your stomach, one ankle resting on the foot of the other leg and raise the leg slowly towards your back. Then I heard this really loud crack and felt pain shoot all  the way up my thigh muscle.

Now, you don't have to be a genius to figure out that perhaps that shouldn't have happened.......

After spending most the night tossing and turning trying to get comfortable, I awoke this morning not only looking like a tired old hag - I was also hobbling about like one too. So Londoners, if you see someone limping around the City today feeling sorry for herself, please take pity and do not barge into me whilst I'm walking at 2mph and your whizzing by.

Although, to be fair alot of the fluid seems to have subsided so maybe it has done some good, in a backwards knee-cracking-pain-shooting kind of way. We shall see.........

Push It Real Good...

I have finally bitten the bullet and decided to put my arse into gear to get fit, healthy - and lose some weight for the summer sun.

Having shied away from strenuous exercise after collapsing at work a few years ago, I took the doctors orders literally by doing 'less taxing sports' which won't cause my chest to seize up - and to be quite frank, I have been totally bored using it as an excuse to feel sorry for myself.

There is no excuse - I don't believe in 'can't do' attitudes and a friends recent stint in doing a half marathon has finally given me the wake up call I need to stop being scared and milling around the fact that I have just become plain lazy.

I'm afraid to say I haven't quite signed up for a half marathon, but I have signed up for a 10k run instead. I figure I should at least try and break myself in gently before doing myself any serious damage - or looking like someone on steroids with pumping muscles from too much running!

For the last six weeks I have been gradually building up and I had got to a comfortable 5k when last week I decided to join The Boutique run with Katherine and go for a challenge, thus being the 10k.

I have til the 9th July to build up and double my running length. This shouldn't be that hard surely? I feel this may well be my famous last words....

I did a practise run Sunday afternoon and managed to push myself and do a nice 7k - I was extremely tired when I got back but well chuffed with myself for running that far. My only main problem was my knee, getting pain down the outside whilst running.

To combat this, I thought I would invest in a knee support and test-drove this on Tuesday evening when I got home from work and it made a huge difference. I had a few twinges in my chest but when I woke up Wednesday morning I felt fine.

After all these years you would think I would learn to listen to my body, but no. I decided to go for another run this morning, hell bent on keeping up the momentum and new found 'spring' in my step. The run itself wasn't that bad - I got up at 5am so there was no one about, there was a nice chill in the air keeping me cool and I had the added bonus of seeing the sunrise whilst half way round my circuit.

The problem came when I had about a mile left to run - I started getting pain build up in my other knee and then felt my chest getting really tight. I was determined to finish the run and made it back in one piece - but my god was I in pain! My knee had swollen and looks like it has fluid built up around it, my chest felt like it was in a vice and when I sat on the floor to stretch out my thighs I felt my spine crack in two places I didn't even know existed.

I know they say no pain no gain - but is it really meant to be this painful?! I feel I need to stop being so stubborn and take a step back, building it up gradually. But it seems what the body says and what my head says are two completely different things! I shall definitely need to get them in synch before July, can you imagine how embarrassing would that be flaking out in front of a whole parade of people....!!!

And so it begins......

Blog two of the writing diaries, here we go!

Last time I mentioned that I had thought out a story line and was working on the characters and investigating the facts to go into my novel.

Thanks to the wonderful technology of Google (and lack of public library in my home town) I have been able to make some vast progress on investigating my setting scene and surroundings for the novel and have come up with a bullet-point summary for the main characters who will be acting out the story itself. I have even mapped out the different chapters and what content will go into each section.

So having come thus far, I decided it was time to switch on the laptop and make order of these thoughts going through my head to start typing out the opening scene.

The first three paragraphs came easy enough, my creative splurge doing most of the work for me. But after paragraph number four, I found myself slowing up and having to think of how to phrase what I wanted to say. When writing a blog it's so natural and free flowing as you are putting order to the chaos of thoughts and events that have already happened. With writing, you're trying to conjure up and imagine the scenario along with the thoughts and feeling associated with that character. It is definitely a lot harder than you can ever imagine!

It probably didn't help that it was quite late at night and I was half falling asleep at my laptop whilst listening to X FM and the snoring of my lodger in the room next to me.

Maybe I should best leave the week nights purely for researching and do my writing of the weekend, once I'm fully refreshed and focused on what it is I'm trying to say.

Novice or Insane?

Every year I always try to make two or three resolutions and then aim to achieve at least one of these things - what is life without goals to work towards?

2010 was my year to learn to drive and experience a proper exploring holiday - which I achieved. I passed my test at the end of September, 2 days after flying back from Indonesia.

My 2011 goals are to get myself a car (which I have achieved), re-decorate the house (which I have had to put on hold, owing to the fact I thought my money was better spent on another holiday!), become financially stable to the point where I don't need to have a stranger in my house (which is a work in progress) and finally, get creative.

This last goal was not set with a particular theme in mind, in fact I was probably thinking more on the lines of getting back into painting and drawing again, but I feel I need a challenge - and my next adventure could be just that.

I have decided to try and write either a novel - or some short stories. I'm still unsure if this could be a good thing - or will just drive me round the bend. But, everyone needs a challenge in life and my very good friend suggested over lunch that it would be also be fun to blog about the ups and downs that are involved with doing this writing.

So, after much deliberation and some futile Internet research, it has taken me about a month to think of a half decent story outline - which I might add has a beginning, a middle AND an end - and I am now onto the next stage of building up the characters and researching into some facts for my story, so I can make it as accurate as possible.

So far so good, but I feel the real test will be putting pen to paper (or finger to keypad) and actually trying to start the opening chapter. Hopefully it will not take me another month to get the creativity flowing in being able to produce that first paragraph.

P.M.A

Sun, Ray Bans, short-sleeve shirt, lunch al-fresco - check, check & check!

Oh my, what a lovely day. How nice it was to get out at lunch and use my hour break to it's full potential to soak up those vitamin D's that are much needed. It really is amazing how the power of a few warm light particles can transform your little bubble world into a glowing beacon of PMA - positive mental attitude!

After going for a wander to stretch my little legs, I decided to get lost in the throngs of people at Exchange Square, all doing the same as me - soaking up the sun. To be able to sit there without a coat, in a short sleeve top and just feel my skin tingling under the warmth of the soon to be summer sun - it was almost like a teaser of what's to come.

Still, how I loved it. I had my pumps slipped off my feet, hands gripping the edge of the bench seat whilst tilting my head up, eyes closed shut under my sunglasses just feeling the pleasure of the day on my face and neck, spreading down my shoulders into my body - total bliss!

No matter what crap you have going on in your everyday life, the summer days just put it all to right and make you realise that it really doesn't matter. It's no big deal if your ex-tenant has racked up loads of debt in your name, it's no big deal if you're an insomniac, it's no big deal if your best mate whom you've known since you was 13 has decided she can't be bothered with you anymore because she now has a fiance - and it really is no big deal that I have a total nut job living in my house - it really does not matter!

It's a new day and so will be the day after and the day after that - so lets get busy living it up & having some fun, before the next wave of winter months ascend upon us...!!!!

Fitness Guru....or health freak?

This seems to be the lively topic of debate floating around my office at the moment, involving my fitness regime. Am I becoming some type of fitness guru, getting up at 5:30 am to do my exercises - or am I becoming a health freak and should be lazing in my bed as suggested by one certain colleague?

I don't think I'm that extreme - I'm focused on how much weight I want to loose and what areas I want to tone up - but I don't feel I go overboard. You'd never catch me doing a 26 mile marathon and putting myself through un-necessary duress and I don't get up every single morning to work out and then put myself on a really strict diet.

I like to think I have the balance right - exercise two-three times a week - then go down the pub two to three times a week to even it out! That's what it's all about, right?! Cancelling out the bad with the good.....no, only kidding - kind of....

My thoughts are that if I'm already in an insomnia-induced semi-awake conscious state, I may as well make the most of the morning and waken myself up fully. I know they say no pain, no gain, but the longer you exercise the easier it becomes. For me it's more the thought of getting up, than actually doing the exercise that causes me pain. I do actually really enjoying it once I'm out running or doing my kick boxing or pumps etc... and I can notice a big difference now to say two months ago. I can now do a 5k run without hobbling round like an old lady for two days afterwards, my knees no longer ache and when I cool down afterwards I can now actually reach my ankles - hurrah! That in itself is a life time achievement!

So, in answer to my colleagues question - fitness guru or health freak? I say neither, I'm just someone who's slightly insane and trying to stave of a jelly belly in my old age.....

Insomniacs R Us.....

Insomnia - it's something most people can relate to at some point in time, generally something that happens the odd night here and there, fretting about something then going back into the regular routine of slumber. Unfortunately, this is something that for me just seems to be getting worse over time. I really can't remember the last time I slept all the way through the night and a Sunday morning lie-in....forget it!

I've always been a light sleeper, but it never used to bother me & I'd still have bundles of energy....now I just feel like crap, look haggard and have massive circles underneath my eyes that no amount of make-up can cover anymore.

I don't know what's worse - the thought that I know it's only 2:30am and I am staring at the ceiling trying to sort out the mess in my head which is accountable for me being wide awake - or the odd few chances when I do fall into a slumber, only to be woken by a hammering heart after having one of two recurring dreams, gripping onto the covers feeling a rather foolish twat waiting for the blood rushing in my ears to subside.

My subconscious is trying tell me something, but it's almost like when you have something on the tip of your tongue and you can't quite grasp it. Either that or I don't want to.

Until the day comes when I am at peace to sleep through the night, I have my music medley to keep me company through the nightly tosses and turns.........

Let there be light......

It's a new dawn, on a new day....and I'm loving it!

Sun, where have you been hiding these last few months? Oh how I've missed your warm rays, your sunny ambiance and general feel good wow factor. Do you realise how dank and miserable it has been these last few months without you? I've had to get up in the dark, go home in the dark and generally just walk around in the gray miserable cold wetness that is winter!

Admittedly, it is rather cold out and I did still have my coat, scarf and gloves on this morning...but...oh, how you brightened my morning feeling your presence on my face walking up through the City this morning. You can't quite beat that feeling of being able to reach for the Ray Bans - and still be able to see where you are going through the light dappled streets of London.

You have certainly provoked some rather good memories of what the British Summer is all about and I just can't wait to be able to wear my summer clobber again. The feeling of wearing a vest top with the warmth on your shoulders and being able to have lunch al fresco swatting away the bees. I do love the City in the summer, the odd cheeky night being able to sip a Pimm's out on a forecourt somewhere, standing chatting away until it starts to get dusk late at night.....

Oh sun, how I love thee....please, please, please do stay a bit longer this time!

May Day, May Day....!

So, the big wigs at the top have been putting their thinking caps on again and have come to the conclusion that Britons no longer need the May Day Holiday and that we'd be better off moving it to another month.

Is it just me, or is there really no logic to this? Apparently, by moving the bank holiday from a Spring / Summer month to a Winter month will make more Britons holiday at home and it will also accumulate an extra £2bn in tourism cash over the next four years. All this from moving one bank holiday - no wonder we are so cash strapped and having cuts given to us left right and center.

Moving the clocks in line with European time so it's lighter longer in the evening - now that I can get the gist of and understand why that could be feasible. But honestly chaps, who are you kidding? If a foreigner wants to come to this Country, they will come. Public holidays do affect them as London life no longer comes to a standstill on bank holidays - tourism carries on and just about every shop is still open.

I reckon I have a much brighter option for you - instead of moving May Day, why not just give us an extra day in October? All business men have Blackberry's now, so the trade sector would still carry on regardless as most people at the top are work-a-holics. Plus, the menial members of firms will be going out making the most of their new bank holiday and spending money into the economy, thus boosting your profits and giving you an extra shot of Brandy at Christmas.

What do you reckon guys and girls, will this catch on? You never know, if they're hoping to go all out and become more in line with the Europeans, maybe they could also introduce having the whole month of August off like the EU does and we might even be able to blag a siesta too.......here's hoping!

February's Daily Tribulation....

I read a fabulous quote this morning on Twitter whilst commuting in; 'life is a bitch, because if it were easy it would be a slut' and couldn't help but chuckle. Is life really this black and white? Would we become complacent and bored if it really was that easy, where you never had to work for anything and could quite easily lay on your back and let life come get you......

After the last few months I've had, there is a little part of me who could quite easily slip into that persona at the moment and would quite enjoy the ride of being carried along.....but I know in my heart I would get bored rigid (pardon the pun!) and would go in search of something more fun and strenuous to do...

Maybe this is why I keep finding myself in these situations where I think, 'how on earth.....' - this, I'm guessing, is where bitch life kicks in. Take my new lodger for example, when he came to view the room he seemed like a normal genuine guy compared to the last one I had in, but fast track one week and we've already had a massive row and he is seriously doing my head in. Seriously. Really. Really. Exasperating.

I think he is actually a nice guy, and deep (very deep) down he means well, but, the guy does not shut up! He thinks No means Yes, asking to drop a subject means to badger the crap out of me even more and when I say I'm going for some peace and quiet thinks I mean follow me upstairs and carry on talking for at least another hour.

The man has no boundaries - the other day when I went up to my room to read my book and try to get 5 minutes quiet, he proceeded to follow me upstairs and stand in my doorway chatting away. When he finally realised I wasn't going to budge or watch a film with him, then decided to invite himself in and sit on the end of my bed as, 'there's no point me standing up chatting to you when it's more comfortable to do it sitting down' - and if that wasn't bad enough, even had the cheek to ask me to move my feet!!!!

I'm trying to see things from his point of view, he's just come out of a 8 year relationship, has no real friends and is at a loss as he genuinely doesn't know what to do with himself and hasn't shared with any one before except his girlfriend. As patient as I am trying to be, I have been getting this out of body experience that he somehow thinks I am a substitute for his ex and the more I try to push him away and paint myself to be a truly hideous monster, the more in-my-face he becomes.

Well, hopefully after last nights dramas he has now taken the hint and may start settling down and backing off. But I am wondering if maybe it would be legal to slip a little something into his tea - a little bit of Imodium say, to see if it works on the verbal version of diarrhea as well as the anal form - or if that fails maybe a few little sleeping pills to knock him out long enough to be able to watch the ending of Top Gear on Sunday night.....

London Wanderer....

What a nice feeling it is to have the odd weekend now and again where you don't actually have any definite plans, but come Sunday evening you can reflect back and realise that you have actually had a pretty cool weekend!

I had arranged to meet up with a friend to go the Tate & have lunch. After a much needed but rather guilty pub lunch on Saturday she had to dash back to greet the in-laws, so rather than head back to Essex before meeting another friend later in the evening, I decided I would make the most of being in London and blend in with the tourists.

I cranked up the iPod and headed west along the Southbank to Westminster, before heading across the bridge northwards towards St James' Park and up into Green Park, Hyde Park and then across even further West to Kensington Gardens. How nice it was to have no destination in mind and to just go wherever my feet felt liked carrying me. Normally I hate the crowds of London and use it as a place to purely travel to and from work and not really appreciating the essence that is London. I was quite surprised at how much I enjoyed being among the throngs of Crowds at Big Ben before heading up into the quietness of the parks.

I think my biggest find of the day was in St James' Park. Even though it is the middle of winter, the day was grey and drab and it was continually drizzling with rain, I happened to chance across the only tree in the whole of the park that had bloomed with cherry blossoms.

 Maybe it's just me being girly and a bit sentimental, but I was quite moved by the fact that there really is beauty in every day life. I think it's fair to say I got a few strange looks when I wandered over to the tree and circled it, taking pictures of the flowers covered in dew drops.

I guess it's my kookiness coming out, but you can't help but notice the contrast with the bare limbs and trunks of the stripped trees all around....

After spending a little too long marvelling at this one tree, I carried on my journey through the parks and took great delight in the mischievous squirrels running in and out of peoples legs, foraging for nuts. I even had one of them try to climb up my boot, but I think he soon realised I had no food to keep him enticed!

Onwards and upwards - I went from Kensington High Street up to Queenswater and then back across to Marble Arch, where I eventually admitted defeat and jumped on a train up to Islington to meet my friend for a well deserved dinner.

After all that walking I felt it was a just reward to unwind with a few bottles of vino over some girly chats, with some rather delicious Belgium Chocolates. Mmmmm.....all in all a good end to a very tiring but productive day!

Never Ending Madness...

So, another day, another dollar - and so it appears another credit card! Will this nightmare never end...? It's getting to the point where I don't even want to come home anymore as I dread what I will find.

Everyday this week I have come home to find something waiting for me on the doorstep. It was one thing seeing a letter saying I'd had a card stopped in my name, but last night I came home to find an account application in my name with my personal details filled out on a form. I'm not joking when I say it turned my stomach, I felt physically sick to the point where if I had already eaten it probably would have vacated the building!

Today, after having spent most of the morning on the telephone sorting it out, my work mates rallied around to cheer me up & I actually came home with a mini-ish spring in my step - only to find a Barclays statement waiting for me on my carpet. Opening it up & seeing a whole list of transactions, some of which are only 3 days old almost reduced me to tears. I had to walk away into my bathroom and press my hands to my eyes to stop myself from crying.

If nothing else I will not let this Tosser reduce me to tears and no matter how overwhelming it becomes I will hold stead fast to the fact that I am a good person and can hold my head high - plus I'm reveling in the fact that for every card he opens in my name his karma is growing big stylee to come back and bite a big chunk out of his life.....

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Live and Learn.....

We read about it all the time in the papers and review the yearly statistics, but you never think that you will be one of the unfortunate souls who has their identity stolen - but unfortunately it appears that I am now classed as one of the statistics.

Why anyone would want to steal my identity is beyond me - I can't say I have a particularly exciting life and I'm sure if they asked nicely enough I would say they was welcome to it.......

These things are all about the money I guess & even though I know there are some right dodgy characters out there, I can't help but think what I would feel if I was in their shoes - how do they sleep at night? They clearly do not have a conscience, which I guess is how they can live with being so callous.

Even though I don't have any concrete evidence I'm fairly certain I know who has done this - which in some ways is worse. If it's a case of having your details stolen online or if you've been careless, you know it's nothing personal & you just have to deal with it. But when it's someone you've actually invited into your home you can't help but feel that much worse - this is someone you thought you could trust who has violated your personal space and has been totally dishonest.

I've spent the last few days looking back to see if in hindsight I've perhaps overlooked something and missed a glowing beacon somewhere, but truth be told I don't think I have. I honestly don't think it's me being a bit dipsy - if anything, just too trusting.

The more things that are coming to light, the more I just have to laugh at it. Although it is very serious and isn't actually funny, you just have to laugh at the bare face cheek of someone who not only takes out credit in your name but also sets up direct debits from your own account to pay for these dodgy cards said person is spending on.

I'm sure karma will come back around to catch up and take a massive chunk out of their life, but for now I have just few seldom words to sum up the situation - what a 24 carat arsehole!

Drifting on an open road...

So, I've come to the conclusion that I need a change in my life but even after two days of pondering I'm still finding myself sat at this crossroads and fear I may start choking on the fumes if I don't start moving soon.

I've been trying to put my works methodology into practice & have been mentally sifting through the different aspects of my life in the hope of reaching some kind of 'ker-ching' light bulb flashing moment. The result so far? I think I have realised that even though I am not overly happy at this moment in time, I don't actually hate my life either. The problem is I am drifting.

I am so scared of making plans and getting let down, that I just stopped bothering a long time ago. Surely if you don't make any plans then you can never be disappointed? You just take each day as it comes putting a smile on your face and a spring in your step... Except I think my so called non-exsistent plan is starting to crumble before my eyes.

But, alas, every cloud has a silver lining they say. I refuse to be downtrodden - where there is a will there is a way - and the biggest part of any plan is knowing what it is you are heading towards.

My silver lining I believe is coming in the shape of a lighter dawn descending on us....what am I talking about you say? Early morning running!

I can honestly say some of my best laid plans, when I have made them on select occasions, have always come to fruition whilst pounding the streets. I don't know what it is with running, I know I shouldn't be doing it under doctors orders, but I feel so uplifted and positive I genuinely take on an inner glow, where I believe anything is possible.

Who knows, maybe dusting off my trainers again will help to enlighten me into choosing which is the correct path for me. Even if it doesn't give me 100% certainty at least I may actually start drifting in the right direction.....

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Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe......

Drum roll please......it's a new dawn, on a new day, in a new year with new resolutions - fast forward 6 weeks and is 2011 full of the joys of wonder that I thought it would be? Or is 2011 just the same as 2010?

I'm afraid I would have to say the latter.....the only thing I have learnt is that I really don't know where the last six weeks have gone and it appears that if time keeps flying the way it is, I will soon be sipping egg nogs & tucking into turkey again.

I can feel the dreaded itch coming on again and fear this one is going to be a big one. Every now and then I go through periods where I feel like my life has stagnated and it seems to be losing it's added sparkle. I try to keep upbeat and look for at least one good thing in every day - but sometimes you can't help but reflect back and think - was that it? I'm sure I was not put on this earth to sit at a desk 9 - 5 bored out of my skull constantly wishing my life away.

I am coming to that all important point in life where I have reached a cross roads and something seriously needs to change before the twinkle disappears forever and I am sucked down into the monotonous routine that is otherwise known as the 'rat-race'.

The thoughts going through my mind at the moment will see me heading in one of two directions. I can either flick the indicator right and go for something completely different - this option I envisage all my personal items sold apart from a few essentials in a back pack, heading into the big wide yonder to do some serious travelling, to just disappear from all that is every day life. Or I can listen to the voice of reason and head left - thus finding a job that will give me both enjoyment and fulfill my ever growing thirst for knowledge and help me progress in my career (or to be more realistic to actually start a career!)

I feel like I'm stuck in the middle - where on my left is the angel with halo, telling me to hang on and be reasonable - yet on the right is a mini me in devil get-up telling me to let my inner mischievousness free and go make the most of what is out there.

I'm guessing the hardest thing is that I don't actually know what I want myself - and if I don't know then who the hell will? Does anybody go through life knowing exactly what they want? Or are we all fumbling around in the dark completely clueless as am I?

I think I need to give this some serious thought. I'm guessing the first option would make me feel good in the short run - but what if I never want to return? This scares the hell out of me as I fear this would actually happen if I left, whereas at the same time I don't know if I really have the balls to go through with this or if it is all just a fantasy. Another thought is this could be the pre-onset of a mid life crisis as in the oh-my-god-I'm-almost-thirty-and-what-have-I-done-with-my-life crisis.

Lets watch this space and see what happens, maybe I'm due my miracle any day now.......!

Oh woe is me, once again!

So, living by the City mantra that Thursday is the new Friday, I felt it was only right that I take this quote in hand to enjoy a few bevvies with a friend of mine down The Classrooms.

What a night it was too - the drinks were flowing freely, the topics of conversation were at the top of the spectrum & laughter was in abundance. It all seemed like such a good idea at the time, until you roll forward to 6am where my alarm is screeching like a banshee, it hurts to open my eyes & I'm convinced someone is playing a set of steel drums inside my skull....

I can't help but ask myself why? I never learn, I should know at my age by now not to play out on a school night, but its just so much more appealing than staying in. It's so true what they say about the older you get the worse the hangovers get too - gone are the days of quick fixes with a Bacon buttie & coffee. In its place is something that is starting to stretch into two days, plus it appears it is here to stay....

One of these days I will learn my lesson, until then where's the paracetamol...? It's lying around here somewhere.......

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True friends to the end?

The amount of times I've heard growing up, people say only time will tell who your true friends are - and I'm starting to realise how very true that saying is.

It's natural for people when they grow up they tend to spread out, start a family or choose a quieter pace of life, but you always think that there'll be certain amigos that will make the extra effort to stay in contact and have regular catch ups with. Even though I do still make an effort with all my friends, I'm getting to the stage now where I can't help but feel that with certain people I am doing this all in vain.

Only this weekend I was having a heart to heart down the local talking about someone who I thought would always be there to share life with, someone I grew up with, who has now made it very clear I don't fit in their life anymore owing to the fact that I have to be kept separate from all her 'couple' friends as I may not be able to 'cope' with it. Whilst I was sitting there in the pub, I realised I was crying into the shoulder of someone who has actually turned out to be one of my best friends and I never would have thought it in a million years. Someone who I had known when in college and then drifted apart from - only to drift back in contact with again a couple of years ago and he's proved that he is growing into a rather solid rock.

Life has it's ups and downs and I believe in taking every day as it comes, but every now and again it's always nice to see a shining star that brings a twinkle to your eye and brightens your day into a genuine smile that reaches the eyes.

No pain, no gain....

So, its a new year and a new day with a new dawn. I'm afraid to say I was one of those people who made various new years resolutions - including shaping up and getting fit, which I'm actually determined to stick to it.

I'm not going to be unrealistic, but I could comfortably do with losing about half a stone and want to tone up - and feel I am slowly making progress.

I've cut my drinking nights out down to 1 or 2 nights a week as opposed to 4 or 5 like I was doing the latter part of last year. Whilst my social life has taken a dire battering, my bank balance was still in the black at end of January and I'm sure my liver is secretly applauding me too due to the fact it is no longer drowning or intoxicated by fumes!

Whilst I still have a long way to go to get a body to rival Claudia Schiffer, I feel I am heading in the right direction. Only this morning I realised I could reach my ankle whilst stretching doing the box split, whereas I could barely touch my calf three weeks ago.

I'm working through the 5:30am get-ups with the knowledge that come the summer I will hopefully be nicely toned and un-ashamed to dig out my hot pants. I just need to remember no pain is no gain the next time I'm hobbling up the stairs at work.....

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Easy Like Sunday Morning...

Think Sunday morning and what conjures up in your mind? Lazing in bed, nice steamy cup of tea, radio playing softly in the background and possibly a light fuzzy head from a few glasses of vino.

Whilst the first three are partially correct, I had a completely tee-total evening in preparation for this morning - to test drive my new wheels - on my own for the VERY FIRST TIME!

I know it's really sad, but seeing as I have only just acquired the right to own my very own car having just recently passed my test, I was too excited at the prospect of taking it out. Whilst I was very nervous in case something went wrong or I messed up, I was also very excited at the prospect of having my very own freedom in my own control. As much as I'm sure my friends have never minded ferrying me around, it is not quite the same as knowing you have your own mode of transport - and it is even better now I know I can return all those years of favours.

Did it live up to my expectations you ask? Hell yes, it did! I loved it, flying along the Ockendon country lanes (where unfortunately I failed my first test) being able to rejoice in the fact that I had indeed conquered the art of driving at the national speed limit along narrow country lanes riddled with bends. After this nice feeling of elation, I took a slow poodled drive through Hornchurch town centre back to my home town.

But, I think the best feeling of all was being able to reverse park outside my own home knowing I had done it all on my own with no help. Bliss!

Virtual Reality

Is a new era upon us - have I seen the light? Or am I joining geek status and delving in too deeply into the 2D world of my laptop? Not only have I succumbed to Facebook, Twitter and Blogger - but my new online adventure has got me branching out to Tumblr too.

I do but wonder why it is that one person could feel the need to have so many different websites to post blogs / photos / items / articles about themselves and things that interest them. I can't help but feel that even on a conscious level I know that this should be wrong, yet it is strangely compelling and extremely addictive.

I can't help but think what the future has in store for the modern man and images from a film I saw last year (the name escapes me....) where no one actually leaves their house keep popping up in my mind. They function through their computer and are so out of touch with reality that they actually don't know how to interact with other people and can't quite remember what fresh air is.....

Am I heading that way too or is it really just a bit of harmless fun? I must say I go for the latter and like using these tools to communicate with people of a great distance and to enjoy things that I have found amusing along the way, hoping it will bring some joy amongst others in my life too.

But I also know that there is a dark side to these websites and people get solely addicted to the sites, where they can barely function an hour without feeling the need to blog something and check their status. Just tonight I was uploading something on FB and up popped a chat box from a mate of mine. I say mate, but whenever I try to arrange a catch up I always get the same old, 'yeah I'll get back to you....' but tonight on FB he said to me that he loves the chat function as that is the only way he can keep in contact with people. Erm, hello? Not heard of a phone? Text? Pub? If you got off your computer and ventured out then you would indeed be able to 'catch up' with people.

I guess this is the effect of an ever moving world where people try to keep up with the times and as much as I love blogging etc.... I'll always prefer a face to face catch up, which is definitely not rivaled in the 2D world...