I'm getting abit rusty at this old blogger lark, it's been a while! So what have I been up to this past month? Busy, busy, busy.....then I get struck down with a dreaded summer lurgy.
Sometimes the best thing about being hectic busy is that you just don't get the chance to stop and focus on things going on around you, instead going full steam ahead and almost using it as an excuse to have tunnel vision from all the crap of every day life.
When your busy, all you can think of is 'I need a break...' then when you get a break (or rather when I do) I start wishing I was busy again. I've pretty much been at home this past week with a summer flu and all I have had time to do is think. Quite frankly, it is driving me insane!
I have all these what ifs...? swimming around in my head and I just can't make a decision on what it is I actually want. These past few months I've been of the notion that I need to have some sort of change in my life, but because I've been so busy trying to keep on top of all the every day stuff it has kind of been put on the back burner. But, is this because I really don't need things to change and I am secretly worried about being happy in my now familiar daily routine and becoming dull and old? Or is it because I do actually need to make a drastic change to my (sometimes dismal) life - and this is what is scaring the crap out of me?
What if I make a change - and it's for the worse? What if I make the biggest mistake ever? I guess the biggest decision rattling round in my head is do I stay or do I go? I've kind of figured out that I shouldn't go travelling, as I know in my heart I would just be using it to run away from my problems and I'm not so sure once I start running if I'll ever come back. But, how much do I love my life? A part of me thinks it would be nice to just sell up, start afresh somewhere completely new and just try something completely different. Then the other part of me thinks do I really want things to change that much? Maybe I just need to mix it up abit and inject some fun and oomph into my surroundings.
Whatever the decision, it doesn't have to be made today or even this year - but I should probably try to at least start heading in the right direction soon, before I wake up one day with grey hairs and wrinkles galore and realise I have wasted my life wishing of things I could have done.
